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HINTS FOR THE CENCUS 2003 By this time most of you should have already recieved your Census 2003 forms in the mail. There are several ethnicities listed on the form. The black race needs to be counted. It is of the utmost importance. Just in case you are not sure which catagory you belong in here are a few helpful suggestions: If you have ever used a pressing comb Check BLACK If you can name all of the characters on the show Good Times Check BLACK If you are a white woman and only date black men Check BLACK If you know what Fat Back and Hog Maws are Check BLACK If all your pillow cases in your home have grease stains Check BLACK If you sleep with a bag, wave cap, or do-rag on your head at night Check BLACK If you can name 3 Al Green songs Check BLACK If somebody in your family is called Big Mama Check BLACK If there is a can of grease on the back of your stove Check BLACK If your skin has ever been ashy and you know what that term means Check BLACK If you eat greens more than 3 times a year Check BLACK If you have ever used grease and water to make your hair lie down and look naturally wavy Check BLACK f you can wear a comb or pick in the back of your head, walk around, and it doesn't fall out Check BLACK If you have more than 2 piercings in your ear or wear a nose ring Check BLACK If you have ever used a black eyeliner for a lip liner Check BLACK If you have ever used the phrase nah looky heyah, wachout there nah, or sho nuff Check BLACK If your hair is 2 or 3 inches long and the next day it is half way down your back Check BLACK If you refer to anyone (family or friend) as Pookey or Boo Check BLACK If when you shave, your face or neck bumps up Check BLACK If you are a member of a church and the choir songs are choreographed Check BLACK If you have ever used gel of Dax to hold your hair down or make a poney tail Check BLACK If your name is or rhymes with Shaniqua Check BLACK If you have ever used duck tape or electrical tape to repair anything in your house or car Check BLACK If the screen door to your house has no screen or glass Check BLACK If you understand ebonics or use it Check BLACK And finally, if you have tape recorded music on you answering machine Check BLACK LETTERS EXCHANGE Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ Iwould love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Your dad WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER... - I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. - Aren't you the guy from the Village People? - I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. - You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? - Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. - I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. - When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" - I pay your salary! YOU KNOW YOU WORKED IN THE 90'S IF... - You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different organizations. - Your resume is in a diskette in your pocket. - You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. - You learn about your layoff on the news. - Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. - Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the developing countries' gross national products combined. - It's dark when you drive to work. - It's dark when you drive from work. - Communication is something your section is having problems with. - You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor. - Free food left over from meetings is your main staple. - Being sick is defined as "can't walk" or "in the hospital." - You're already late on the work task you just got. - You work 200 hours for a $100 bonus check. - "Vacation" is something you roll over to next year, or a check you get every January. - Your relatives and family describe your job as "working with computers". - Your business cards are no longer correct just a month after you receive them. - You have every "Cup-A-Soup" brand known to man in your desk drawer. - You have no hobbies that do not involve an electronic device. - During any outside-of-work event that vaguely resembles a social activity, your co-workers outnumber your family members. - You must fill in your own job performance evaluations and target goals because no one else really knows what you do anyway. - Besides, the Human Resources Department was outsourced last month. - Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you've lost your best jokes from Tonton Ali. - You read this entire list and understood it. A LITTLE SERVICE... Hello, this is Tonton Ali. I have a little service to ask you. I have some friends from Pakistan who are trying to escape from the Americans. They have a very limited budget for this trip and they asked me help them out. They don't have a lot of luggage and they are already possess all the necesary camping material. See, they just need a little place to spend the night (they may use the bathrooms and the kitchen as well). I went ahead and I gave them your address, I hope you won't mind. They should arrive very soon in your area. You will recognize them very easily, they are traveling in two Mercedes. I included a picture so that you might recognize them without trouble. Check it out here. TALKING DOG A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here, don't you see the sign. It says no dogs allowed." The guy says, "But my dog isn't like other dogs, he can can talk." The bartender says, "Oh yeah, well prove it, and I'll let you and the dog stay." The guy says, "Ok, watch this." He bends down to his dog and says, "Hey Rover, what is over our heads?" The dog says "RRRRooooFFFF." The bartender shakes his head and says, "Get out of here." The guy says, "No wait, watch this. Rover, who is the greatest baseball player in the world?" The dog says, "RRRRuuuuFFFF." The bartender says, "You've got to be kidding me," and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar. The guy and his dog leave the bar and start walking down the street when the dog looks up at his owner and says, "Gee, I blew it. Maybe I should have said DiMaggio." Top 25 Signs That You've Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. 10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. 19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff,' 21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. 22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's. 23. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 25. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar. TALKING ABOUT A MAJOR... "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college boy delivered his pizza. "Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Jason said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man. Jason replied, "Applied psychology." |
A SUNUNET INC Production - 2002 All Rights Reserved - |
TONTON ALI'S JOKES - www.CLUBSN.com - |
A SUNUNET INC Production - 2002 All Rights Reserved - |
Which section do you prefer? |
HINTS FOR THE CENCUS 2003 By this time most of you should have already recieved your Census 2003 forms in the mail. There are several ethnicities listed on the form. The black race needs to be counted. It is of the utmost importance. Just in case you are not sure which catagory you belong in here are a few helpful suggestions: If you have ever used a pressing comb Check BLACK If you can name all of the characters on the show Good Times Check BLACK If you are a white woman and only date black men Check BLACK If you know what Fat Back and Hog Maws are Check BLACK If all your pillow cases in your home have grease stains Check BLACK If you sleep with a bag, wave cap, or do-rag on your head at night Check BLACK If you can name 3 Al Green songs Check BLACK If somebody in your family is called Big Mama Check BLACK If there is a can of grease on the back of your stove Check BLACK If your skin has ever been ashy and you know what that term means Check BLACK If you eat greens more than 3 times a year Check BLACK If you have ever used grease and water to make your hair lie down and look naturally wavy Check BLACK f you can wear a comb or pick in the back of your head, walk around, and it doesn't fall out Check BLACK If you have more than 2 piercings in your ear or wear a nose ring Check BLACK If you have ever used a black eyeliner for a lip liner Check BLACK If you have ever used the phrase nah looky heyah, wachout there nah, or sho nuff Check BLACK If your hair is 2 or 3 inches long and the next day it is half way down your back Check BLACK If you refer to anyone (family or friend) as Pookey or Boo Check BLACK If when you shave, your face or neck bumps up Check BLACK If you are a member of a church and the choir songs are choreographed Check BLACK If you have ever used gel of Dax to hold your hair down or make a poney tail Check BLACK If your name is or rhymes with Shaniqua Check BLACK If you have ever used duck tape or electrical tape to repair anything in your house or car Check BLACK If the screen door to your house has no screen or glass Check BLACK If you understand ebonics or use it Check BLACK And finally, if you have tape recorded music on you answering machine Check BLACK LETTERS EXCHANGE Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ Iwould love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Your dad WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER... - I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. - Aren't you the guy from the Village People? - I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. - You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? - Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. - I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. - When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" - I pay your salary! YOU KNOW YOU WORKED IN THE 90'S IF... - You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different organizations. - Your resume is in a diskette in your pocket. - You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. - You learn about your layoff on the news. - Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. - Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the developing countries' gross national products combined. - It's dark when you drive to work. - It's dark when you drive from work. - Communication is something your section is having problems with. - You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor. - Free food left over from meetings is your main staple. - Being sick is defined as "can't walk" or "in the hospital." - You're already late on the work task you just got. - You work 200 hours for a $100 bonus check. - "Vacation" is something you roll over to next year, or a check you get every January. - Your relatives and family describe your job as "working with computers". - Your business cards are no longer correct just a month after you receive them. - You have every "Cup-A-Soup" brand known to man in your desk drawer. - You have no hobbies that do not involve an electronic device. - During any outside-of-work event that vaguely resembles a social activity, your co-workers outnumber your family members. - You must fill in your own job performance evaluations and target goals because no one else really knows what you do anyway. - Besides, the Human Resources Department was outsourced last month. - Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you've lost your best jokes from Tonton Ali. - You read this entire list and understood it. A LITTLE SERVICE... Hello, this is Tonton Ali. I have a little service to ask you. I have some friends from Pakistan who are trying to escape from the Americans. They have a very limited budget for this trip and they asked me help them out. They don't have a lot of luggage and they are already possess all the necesary camping material. See, they just need a little place to spend the night (they may use the bathrooms and the kitchen as well). I went ahead and I gave them your address, I hope you won't mind. They should arrive very soon in your area. You will recognize them very easily, they are traveling in two Mercedes. I included a picture so that you might recognize them without trouble. Check it out here. TALKING DOG A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here, don't you see the sign. It says no dogs allowed." The guy says, "But my dog isn't like other dogs, he can can talk." The bartender says, "Oh yeah, well prove it, and I'll let you and the dog stay." The guy says, "Ok, watch this." He bends down to his dog and says, "Hey Rover, what is over our heads?" The dog says "RRRRooooFFFF." The bartender shakes his head and says, "Get out of here." The guy says, "No wait, watch this. Rover, who is the greatest baseball player in the world?" The dog says, "RRRRuuuuFFFF." The bartender says, "You've got to be kidding me," and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar. The guy and his dog leave the bar and start walking down the street when the dog looks up at his owner and says, "Gee, I blew it. Maybe I should have said DiMaggio." Top 25 Signs That You've Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. 10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. 19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff,' 21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. 22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's. 23. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 25. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar. TALKING ABOUT A MAJOR... "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college boy delivered his pizza. "Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Jason said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man. Jason replied, "Applied psychology." |
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