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A SUNUNET INC Production - 2002 All Rights Reserved - |
TONTON ALI'S JOKES - www.CLUBSN.com - |
A SUNUNET INC Production - 2002 All Rights Reserved - |
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Women like silent men, they think they're listening. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? - One of them is organized. Why are wolves like playing cards? - They always come in packs. When I read about all the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. What does a woman of 35 think of? - having children. What does a man of 35 think of? - Dating children Dont drink and drive if you can smoke and fly What did the carpet say to the floor? - I've got you covered. What animal can you never trust? - A cheetah. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common, they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to Visa, it's also on my credit card twelve months a year. A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my PC, I have a workstation... One Small Definition: Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. People seem to read the Bible a whole lot as they get older it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals. Got Silk..I mean Milicone... I mean... oh screw it... Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. Why do birds fly south in the winter? - Because it's too far to walk. Learn from the mistakes of others, because you won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. College Is Just One Big Party, With a $35,000 Cover Charge If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen I doubt, therefore I might be. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. The older you get, the better you realize you were. Programming is an art form that fights back. EXAMPLES OF UNCLEAR WRITING (Sentences taken from actual letters received by Welfare Department in Application for Support.) 1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. 2. I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old . When do I get my money? 3. Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy. 4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why. 5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. 6. This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it. 7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows. 8. I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born. 9. In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory. 10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see. 11. My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. 12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. 13. You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference. 14. I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day. 15. In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. 16. I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor. INTERESTING NAME POSSIBILITIES: If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. 13. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G.he'd be G. Ghali G. Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare. |
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SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS |
